So life continues to greatly suck on my end. And being shadow banned on basically every social network hasn't helped at all.

As a result of all of that, ai slop being everywhere, and more, I've had less and less and less inspiration to create. I still can't create new videos for game or art due to my computer not liking it when I try.

And now some foreign jerk has found a way to use my STRIPE account's API to test stolen credit cards. I've notified Stripe and in hopes it can be addressed soon.

My art keeps getting scrapped and stolen from online thieves and ai. I've found myself simply no linger caring to post new art. Or create new art for that matter. Ehat's the point? Even as I type this, I already know it's bot going to be seen by anyone.

There's so much I want to do. But I no longer have the energy or drive for any of it. Even if I did, my computer and phone fights me at every step. Is there a point to continue? I don't see it.

I've spent my entire life serving others. Being there for them. Helping them with their projects and goals. Being used on a constant bases with zero appreciation in return. I'm 47 and trying my best to take care of my parents. But I have no government assistance and I can't get any because I haven't had any payment records of a job for a year and a half. I maxed out the one credit card I had on food and it's been impossible to pay off. Meaning the interest rate has stacked past double what I borrowed. My truck hasn't ran in 3 years and I can't afford to have it fixed. Meaning I can't even attempt to find a job that actually pays.

And I haven't even got into my personal health problems! I've not seen a doctor since maybe 2010? Even then it was only due to collapsing from food poisoning at work. My hips, knees, and right shoulder are shot from decades of work and walking. At some point I must have broken my left foot because it has been hurting regularly for the last two years. I can't even get off the ground/floor without my great pain in my foot and knees. I physically feel like I'm in my 80s. The smallest and simplest physical tasks leaves me greatly winded now. I use to walk for 4 hours every day, with energy left over to burn. Now I struggle just walking to the bathroom. I'm legally blind now but I can't afford to have my eyes check. If I move my phone more than 3 inches toward or from my face, it instantly becomes a blurred puddle. My perscription glasses are almost a decade out of date at this point. Life just continues to suck more and more regardless of what I do.

I could go on and on. But again; what's the point. I'm not suicidal. Not anymore. I fought that demon in 2015. Only by God's Grace and (honestly unwanted at the time) protection, did I survive it. I don't know what His plan for me is. But so far, it seems to suffer. I know it could be worse. It could be so so so very much worse. I truly know and understand that. But what more does He want from me? I NEED TO KNOW!

I'll see ya when I see ya. If I ever do.
Until that happens, if it happens, here's some old renders of a old mascot of mine.